shipwrecked

I'm not sure if that's a good title for this post, because I don't want to cause any alarm. Ivory is still hanging in there and doing well and little by little, her lungs are developing... albeit very slowly. And yet 'shipwrecked' very accurately describes how I felt this morning after several ups and downs and just really too many emotions to handle much more.

So you pretty much know how Ivory was doing yesterday... stable, yet still not able to eat or breathe on her own... just a waiting game... and in that sense not much has changed. Grant went back to Ixtlan last night to sleep and got a good, much-needed rest. He came back to the hospital around 9:30 this morning. Before he got there, though, our Ixtlan doctor (Dr. Martin) had been in and told me some really encouraging news. Ivory had been on an IV for feeding, but her foot had started to swell and they had to take that IV out. Because her veins are so small, though, they couldn't get another IV in her anywhere (and they tried lots of different places). But apparently they had fed Ivory several times yesterday afternoon and throughout the night through a tube in her mouth and she hadn't vomited any of it up, which is really good! The doctor was very encouraging and said probably just a couple more days for the oxygen and she'd be good to go.

A couple hours later, though, the pediatrician came. He said that she was getting fed through the tube, and that she hadn't vomited, and that was good. However, the tube in her mouth was also posing some risks. One was that she really wasn't getting enough to eat. The other was that because it's so hard for her to breathe still (she kind of pants), there was a risk of some of what was going into her mouth eventually making it "down the wrong tube" essentially and getting it into her lungs. He was worried about that. So he wanted to make a little cut in her neck and put an IV in there for feeding and medicine. Since it was kind of the only option, we decided that was fine... although all of this news was so hard to hear in wake of Dr. Martin's report earlier in the day.

On a positive note, the pediatrician did do an x-ray of her lungs and said that they are more mature, in comparison to the x-ray he took a few days ago... but that they're just maturing so slowly. And so please, please, please pray hard for her little lungs! They need to grow some more and then I think she'll be doing better all around. And also pray that God will continue to sustain us and help us to keep trusting. It is so easy to start to lose faith and give in to the lies Satan throws at us. And it is so easy to fear what could happen. But Grant reminded me this morning - we have access to the power the Great Physician holds - all we need to do is ask. And so we do ask that you would pray along with us that we could see progress and that Ivory would grow and strengthen.

Going back to the title of this post - it does have significance. This morning when I woke up and opened my Bible, I was pleading with God for something, anything, that I could hang on to and claim as His promise to us. Last night I had woken up in the middle of the night and done the same thing, but nothing had really come and so Satan was right there trying to get me to believe God wasn't listening, didn't have enough power, and wasn't willing to reach down on our behalf. It's so hard to fight those emotions at midnight. But anyway, this morning was a different story. I opened to Acts 27 and the following verses really stood out to me:

"And now I exhort you to be of good cheer: for there shall be no loss of any man's life among you, but of the ship. For there stood by me this night the angel of God, whose I am, and whom I serve, Saying, Fear not, Paul; thou must be brought before Caesar: and, lo, God hath given thee all them that sail with thee. Wherefore, sirs, be of good cheer: for I believe God, that it shall be even as it was told me." (vs. 22 - 25)

Truly, an incredible promise. But I'll admit that I intentionally ignored the verse that came after that:

"Howbeit we must be cast upon a certain island." (vs. 26)

I knew that it was just as much a part of that chapter as the verses before it... but I knew that I just couldn't do that... couldn't go there, couldn't think about it. So I ignored it.

After the pediatrician came and then Grant arrived, though, I crashed... quite literally. Lots of tears, lots of emotions, just simply exhausted from all the ups and downs, limited progress, and hoping, wishing, waiting, praying, trusting... and having to do it all over again every single day. So I showed Acts 27 to Grant. And I asked him what he thought the "ship" was in verse 22. Because it says that there there won't be any loss of life, but of the ship. So if this was God speaking to me in metaphor, what was the ship? He said the first thing that came to his mind was the Ship of Faith. That most definitely fit in with what was going on, because in those moments before we talked, I had lost faith. My ship was going down. Looking further in the chapter, I read verses 30 - 32:

"And as the shipmen were about to flee out of the ship, when they had let down the boat into the sea, under colour as though they would have cast anchors out of the foreship, Paul said to the centurion and to the soldiers, Except these abide in the ship, ye cannot be saved. Then the soldiers cut off the ropes of the boat, and let her fall off."

So we talked about the lifeboats. Grant related the lifeboats to trying to use our own rescue system - trying to escape the Ship of Faith, trying to do things on our own, trying to trust in our own tangible resources - doctors, medical technology, etc. But Paul says here that it couldn't be that way. They had to stay on the ship.

And so we, too, have to stay on the ship. We have to keep trusting and maintain our faith. God has spoken and given us promises that He will provide, but when progress is slow, it is harder to believe those promises. As I said before, God also gave me Luke 7 a couple days ago and several reminders since then that what we ask in faith and in His name, He can and will do. Pray that we could be sustained, that He would be glorified and that our faith would be strengthened rather than weakened.

"Now unto him that is able to do exceeding abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, Unto him be glory in the church by Christ Jesus throughout all ages, world without end. Amen." (Ephesians 3:20-21)