let there be light

Good morning all. Last night I (Grant) left the hospital to go back to Ixtlan about 8:00 and returned about midnight to spend the night with Hannah. While I had internet back at our home, I sent a short update to immediately family saying that Hannah had totally crashed today, but she had just called and said that God lifted her back up. I told them that there would probably be a blog post about it soon, knowing Hannah :) 

I walked into the hospital room at midnight to a Hannah I hardly recognized. I had left an inconsolable, hormonal, emotional wreck and returned to a joyful, peaceful, happy, energized, Spirit-filled daughter of God. Even with all those adjectives, I still can’t accurately describe the change.

Not surprisingly, she had already written the blog post on her computer. She wanted to post it today as soon as we got internet.

This blog post is different than anything else we ever have posted. God is pushing us into an aspect of faith that I for one do not fully understand yet. God is teaching us what it says in Romans 4:17 about calling those things which be not as though they were.

My male, logic-oriented mind is violently rebelling. I don’t want to set us up for disappointment. I don’t want to make us look like fools. I’m scared people are going to read this post and say, “Wait a minute – you can’t do that!” But for me to refuse to post this would be for me to deny what God has been slowly, patiently trying to teach me/us over the last three or four years. He is slowly converting my mind and teaching me to walk by faith and not by sight. He is an amazing God.

So here’s the post. To God be the glory.

 “I stand amazed in the presence of Jesus, the Nazarene – and wonder how He could love me, a sinner, condemned, unclean.”

Indeed, I stand amazed tonight (I’m writing this on Thursday night but won’t be able to post until tomorrow because I don’t have internet here at the hospital) at God’s ability to answer prayer and bring peace to His children – even when we sin, doubt, and question. We can feel every prayer that you all are sending on our behalf, and I pray that it will encourage all of us when I tell you how God answered tonight.

Grant and I were away from the hospital for a good part of the afternoon and into the evening. We have found a little coffee shop about ten minutes away that has an open-air area for sitting, free Wi-fi, and spiced chai. It has been the perfect place to retreat on stressful afternoons – I always come back feeling refreshed. We came back to the hospital maybe around 7 p.m. and then around 8 p.m. Grant was going to go back to Ixtlan for a couple hours to get some stuff straightened out for tomorrow and then come back here to sleep tonight. I was planning on sitting with Ivory while he was gone. When I went in to sit with her, though, they told me I couldn’t. They’ve been so flexible about it and let me in there almost whenever I want to go in for the last couple days, so I was really surprised and pretty discouraged. I was especially struggling because the nurse who is on duty tonight is probably the one that I’ve had the hardest time appreciating. And it seemed like it was more her preference that was keeping me out than anything, although they said it was hospital rules. So anyway, I went back to my room and cried. But then I committed to God that even if I couldn’t be with Ivory, I had every intention of praying for as long as I needed to in order to come to a peace that 1) she would live and 2) that soon we would see progress, especially with lung development.

I prayed for a really long time. I prayed everything that came to mind, and then I thought a little bit and prayed some more. And then I felt that God was prompting me to open my Bible. I was really hesitant, because I didn’t feel like I was going to get anything. Reluctantly, I found my Bible and wondered where to open up to. And I felt God saying, “Start at the beginning”. In my mind, I responded, “God, I already know what’s there. It’s the Creation story, and then it’s Adam & Eve, who, by the way, sinned and that story doesn’t exactly have a happy ending, and I really don’t think I’m going to find anything there”. But after a little bit of back and forth I went ahead and read Genesis 1 anyway. I read it really carefully, tearing it apart, trying to figure out what God was speaking to me through that chapter. I decided maybe there was some significance to the seven days of Creation, but beyond that I was having a really hard time seeing what I was supposed to be learning. I flipped in my Bible again, but really nothing came. And so I told God I was disappointed and got down on my knees again. I started praying again, reminding Him that I was going to pray until I had a peace that 1) she would live and 2) that soon there would be progress. Those words had no sooner left my mouth than God said, “Hannah, I have already answered those prayers. And I have given you more”.

I stopped. I thought. And I became very ashamed of myself. And I asked His forgiveness. Because He has given me even more than I asked for, and everything I need.

I had prayed for a peace that we would see progress, that there would be healing. God said, “I gave you Luke 7. I have already started to heal.”

I had prayed for a peace that she would live. God said, “I gave you Acts 27, where Paul says that there will be no loss of any man’s life”.

And beyond all of that, God said, “And I gave you Genesis 1”. So I went back to Genesis 1 and began to analyze Creation, day by day. And I began to see it as a metaphor for Ivory’s life so far.  It’s important to mention here that God uses ‘evening and morning’ as one day. Ivory was born in the evening, so Day 1 starts on Monday night.

On Day 1, God created darkness and light. He said, “Let there be light”, and there was light. The Spanish phrase for giving birth is “dar la luz” – literally, giving or bringing to the light. My heart took a giant leap when I realized that connection.

On Day 2, God created Heaven and divided the firmaments. Tuesday evening is when Ivory went into the incubator – a “safe place” for her, just like Heaven is the only “safe place” for all of us.

On Day 3, God divided the waters from the dry land and commanded the trees to bear fruit. The fruit I saw on Wednesday evening and Thursday was His promises to me in Luke 7 – the reminders of His ability to heal and give life. This became “dry land” for me – a place I have been able to go back to when my ride on the Ship of Faith is getting really turbulent.

On Day 4, God made day and night. The fourth day for us is this evening and tomorrow morning, and we have definitely had both night and day today, as I talked about in the blog post yesterday. The other phrase that caught my attention on Day 4 is that God made “two great lights”. My two great lights today were the other ebenezers God gave me in His Word – Acts 27 and Genesis 1.

After reading through all of that, I was so excited to see what God has in store for the next couple days, and I began to feel such a peace that Monday, the seventh day, is the day we can look forward to taking Ivory home. I can’t say that I know exactly what the next days will bring. But here are some thoughts that come to mind:

Day 5 – “And God said, let the waters bring forth abundantly the moving creature that hath life”. The words “abundantly” and “hath life” jumped out at me. The progress we’ve all been praying for – I believe it will be so visible tomorrow. After reading this, I was not at all surprised when the pediatrician came in tonight and told me that she is doing better. He hasn’t ever used those words specifically, I don’t think, so I was very encouraged. And I didn’t even get discouraged when he told me that she’s developing some jaundice. I just smiled at him and told him that it was fine to take care of it however he thought best and inwardly knew that she will be showing some major progress tomorrow.

Day 6 – God created man. I can’t help but believe that we’ll see a whole new Ivory on Saturday evening and into Sunday morning – a whole, complete person, albeit very little, who can eat and breathe on her own.

Day 7 – God rested. And I believe that we will rest too – at home, on Monday evening, with Ivory in our arms.

We’re thanking God that Ivory can go home on Monday. The doctors don’t even know that yet, but He does!

The peace I feel is indescribable. The prayers you have sent are being answered in ways beyond what I could have ever imagined. He has given light tonight. Thanks for being willing to be used by Him to make that happen. We are blessed by you!

love,
Grant & Hannah and Ivory