tough love

A verse that Dad had us memorize as kids came to mind the other day - Ephesians 4:32. "And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."

But sometimes its hard to love people and be gracious and forgiving like I should.

Those sincere families with the adorable children who generously give of their time and talents to bless others, the young widowed mother who somehow still always has a smile on her face, the sweet girl always willing to hold a baby or care for a child, the young man who is earnestly seeking God's will in his life  - they aren't hard to love. Neither is the older couple who faithfully attends church nearly every Sunday, sits in the front bench, and participates enthusiastically. And the beautiful woman who seeks to help others and who prays constantly for her unbelieving husband - loving her is easy.

It's the people who seem to come to church for some of the wrong reasons - maybe just to have someone to talk to, maybe to take advantage of the American money, maybe wanting to somehow prove that they are saved in their own way, maybe looking for some security, maybe just because the church employs them. The people who aren't willing to give even though it seems like they have the means. The people who don't appear interested in a friendship with anyone but family. The people who seem to think they're "good enough" but continue to come to church searching for... something. The people who take and ask and want things but don't want to commit their lives to the One who can really give them what they need.

Those are the people who are hard to love.

I struggle with this. In fact, it is one of the hardest things about being down here. The Mexican people tend to distrust one another, and family ties run deep, and so unity is one of this little church's greatest challenges. But then I realize that I'm no better - sometimes,  I feel like there's a lot of people whose hearts I don't trust either. And even worse, I start to wonder... why are we sacrificing to be here when people don't seem that... interested?

But Grant really put it into perspective for me the other day. I was working in the kitchen telling him all this, kind of putting stuff away and cleaning up just to give my frustrated self something to do, when he quietly said, "Hannah - this is hard. I struggle with this too. But then I look at Jesus. People followed him because of what they thought he was going to do for them. He fed the 5,000 - people followed him because they wanted food. People thought He was going to free them from Roman rule. People thought He would heal them. He was misunderstood, rejected, and taken advantage of. And at the end of all of it...? He died for them, because they didn't understand."

The truth hurts. Jesus died, because we needed to be redeemed from sin... all of us. I'm no different - none of us truly understand what Jesus did and what we owe Him.

My Bible opened yesterday morning to I Corinthians 1. Verses 17 and 18 seemed to be speaking directly to me: "For Christ sent me not to baptize, but to preach the gospel: not with wisdom of words, lest the cross of Christ should be made of none effect. For the preaching of the cross is to them that perish foolishness; but unto us which are saved it is the power of God." So God isn't looking for "results". That's not our job. If somehow by our own wisdom we were able to convert people, if somehow I could convince people that its more worth their time to come to church to learn to know Jesus than to come to church to receive the earthly benefits, God would not be glorified. But because I can't do that, because I can't work in hearts like that - we need the Cross. All of us. Conversion takes time, and what am I? Just a Pharisee - looking to find fault?

But the question remains... how? How do I take this perspective and put it into practice? How can I be ok with sometimes feeling taken advantage of? How can I develop relationships (good, strong ones) with people who sometimes come across as insincere? How do I love like Jesus did? Any thoughts?