lost socks

All these little pieces of mismatched footwear with "6-12 months" stamped on the bottom of them might be what do me in this trip. Without exaggeration, we probably have more than fifty baby and toddler socks scattered through bags and places where we've been, and that's not counting the ones we left in Mexico. I'll be packing up our luggage and have it all done, then look around and find socks - clean, dirty, on little toes, pulled off, stuffed in pockets of coats, laying next to shoes, in the middle of the living room floor, brand new, full of holes - everywhere.

Scattered socks contribute greatly to my feelings of scattered-ness in general, and frequently leave me feeling like everything is falling apart, no matter how hard I've worked to keep us all together as we've traipsed from house to house, place to place, enjoying this time with family.

It's more than that, though. For Grant, Ivory, and I (Titus, not so much yet), those socks are not unlike our hearts. Everywhere we've found ourselves, a little bit of us stays there when we leave. For the past few weeks, we've been dropping memories, laughs, conversations, learning moments, frustrations, joys, and maybe even worries in each place. Ivory has been so loved by her aunts, uncles, and grandparents; I constantly find her delighted with their attentiveness and willingness to play toys, read books, give gifts... serve her in so many ways. I watch her and I am amazed at her ability to flex and be dragged around without too much complaining - she has been filled in many ways. Grant and I, too, have been enriched and refreshed by friendships, heart-to-heart talks, wonderful family time - all the things we need to make life feel "normal".

And yet if we look at it from an even broader perspective - this is how our past few years have been. As our hearts turn towards home and we begin to prepare for a move back to the U.S. this summer, it is not without a few doubts, a few questions, and a few conversations about how we are going to mesh the new life with the old. Just as it is not a simple task to pick up all those little socks, match them together, order them neatly, and put them away, so it is with life experiences, relationships, events, and callings. During our time in Mexico, we've left parts of our hearts here and there as well, and trying to figure out how to bring them all together so that they are useful again is a mental challenge for me right now.

I am so grateful that we have a day specifically for marking the new year. It is such an opportunity! I see 365 days laying before me and I know that God is going to be faithful in helping me with the laundry... finding all the socks, sorting the clean from the dirty, washing away the dirt, and making them ready to wear again - suitable to take us wherever we're walking next.