changes

"[...] the Lord gave, and the Lord hath taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord." (Job 1:21)


Words seem very inadequate to describe the changes and challenges we've encountered in the last couple of days. God is faithful and His will is perfect, but that doesn't necessarily mean that life is perfect. In fact, it often means that life is hard. Thank you so much to the many, many of you who have called, texted and e-mailed, letting us know of your support and prayers. You have shared your own stories, your experiences, and your hearts with us, and you mean more to us than we can tell you. 


I had a doctor's appointment yesterday afternoon. Grant wasn't with me because it was supposed to be just a routine appointment. I was looking forward to finding out how the baby was doing. 


When I was called back to the room, the first thing that the nurse did was check for a heartbeat. She kept telling me not to worry, but after several minutes of searching for it and coming up empty, I could tell something was wrong. After a sonogram, the nurses discovered that there was no heartbeat and that the baby had stopped growing at 11 weeks, 6 days - about two weeks ago.


I went to OSF yesterday evening for a second confirmation sonogram and some lab testing. This morning I went to Proctor for a D&C (surgery for removal of the fetus) and we are at home now... adjusting in so many ways to the implications of this change.


To be honest, it's very confusing. We are peaceful, knowing that this must be God's will in our lives, and yet sorrowful for the loss. I spend half the time crying and wishing things were different and the other half of the time ready to move on, knowing that God's will is perfect and I wouldn't want anything else anyway. 


In Romans 12:15, God instructs us to "Rejoice with them that do rejoice, and weep with them that weep". Many of you have been through our emotions with us in the past week, and we thank you so much for supporting us in both joy and sorrow. We know that God can bring good out of all circumstances, and so our prayer is that in spite of the pain and hurt, He would be glorified. 


"Blessed be the name of the Lord."